Errors of Life
by Rosabell
Summary: Post Synthesis ending. 25 years have passed since the end of the war. Life is thriving and advancing, thanks to the efforts of the late Commander Shepard. However, a new problem is starting to surface, one that can threaten the future Shepard had given to the galaxy, and the only solution is to uncover the mystery of what exactly happened after she jumped into the beam.
1. Chapter I—Tali

Errors of Life

Chapter I-Tali

_"Testing sequence 2-B-4-D-6 in thirty seconds."_

Aja fidgeted nervously beside Tali. The young quarian was staring intently at the ship waiting on the launchpad. Tali looked up at the screens displaying data from the sensors. All systems functioning within normal ranges. So far so good.

"Relax," She told her daughter, "This isn't a win-or-die situation."

"I know, Ma," Aja sighed, "But I keep wondering if there was something we overlooked. We should have double-checked the parameters last night."

Tali slid an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "You're fine, Aja."

_"Testing sequence in twenty seconds."_

Tali's omnitool beeped. She glanced at it for a moment, sparing a few seconds to open the message flickering to get her attention.

"What's that?" Aja asked.

"Message from Liara. Probably arranging some sort of get-together." _Again._

After the Reapers, the crew of the Normandy dispersed, all of them making their individual contributions to reconstruction. The war had left wastelands for spoils, but nothing irreparable with time, and time was something they suddenly all had since the Change. Normandy's crew scattered to the various teams while the Reapers, in their new, docile forms, repaired the mass relays so that supplies could be shared throughout the galaxy. Before they knew it, five years had passed, so Liara had arranged the first reunion of the crew on Eden Prime.

It had been the first time Tali showed her face to her old friends. She remembered the jokes, the snide comments, but there was a sorrow underlying the genuine joy at seeing everyone again. They all saw each other, saw how much each of them had changed, grown, their lives taking different directions and their paths trekking across the stars. Liara, working on projects to recover and reconstruct physical remnants of cultures from cycles before Protheans. Jack, incredibly annoyed that she had softened enough to take responsibility for educating several thousand students in her academy. Miranda, advising the Council on grant dispersement for research and, due to the synthesis of organic and synthetic, able to show off her firstborn: a bouncing boy of two months at the time, hair dark like his mother's and eyes keen with intelligence as he observed everyone around him. Jacob and Brynn with their child, Shepard Taylor, a shy five-year-old girl who hid against her parents whenever someone spoke to her. James and Ashley had both been present, though it was the only time both Spectres had been able to attend a reunion. Joker, with his Vrolik's Syndrome cured due to the synthesis, EDI laughing hysterically at something her husband said, Wrex and Bakara, Cortez and Traynor, Hackett, the engineers, all changed, all thriving, and the one reason they were where they were could not be there to witness it.

People married, people had children, the children grew to become adults, the galaxy spun along its axis and Time continued on its path to the future. Five years, ten years, twenty years, and now everything, everyone, was even better than before the Reapers ever terrorized them all. Liara arranged gatherings every year, but not everyone attended anymore. There was too much to do, new issues, new problems, new discoveries, new concerns. Shepard faded into history the way all great historical figures did, as the galaxy surged ahead to the future she created but will never enjoy.

_"Ten seconds. Nine. Eight."_

"Come on…" Aja murmured. "All those all-nighters…"

"Hm," Tali chuckled.

_"…Four. Three. Two. One."_

A flare of light was all the warning they had before the ship shot into space. The scientists and engineers stared fixedly in the direction it vanished into. Aja grabbed her mother's hand and squeezed anxiously. Tali let her, though she was watching more out of curiosity than anything else.

Her omnitool beeped again. She turned it off impatiently.

"All systems within normal limits," One of the geth engineers announced, "Five seconds till transmission."

The screen that was supposed to display the transmission lit up on the five-second mark, showing the nose of the ship. More feeds popped up below the image. Among the staff, computers were showing feeds.

"Speed: Twenty-three hundred light years per hour. Acceleration: 0. All systems stable. ETA to Andromeda: 45 days. We did it, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Keelah!" Aja sighed in relief, then beamed. "Ma! We did it!"

"I told you you had nothing to worry about," Tali grinned as she hugged her daughter, while the whole room erupted into cheers, with the geth twittering to each other and bobbing their flashlight heads.

"Drinks!" Someone yelled, and soon everyone echoed.

"Drinks! Drinks!" And the commotion slowed a little as people fetched said drinks.

"Can you imagine, Ma?" Aja exclaimed, "Now we can explore a whole new galaxy! Who knows what we might find there?"

"I don't know," Tali chuckled, "But that just makes it more exciting."

"It does!" Her daughter nodded emphatically, before her colleagues dragged her away to celebrate. One co-worker tugged gently at Tali's elbow, and the quarian laughed as she followed him to where one staff member had opened a foaming bottle and was pouring into various glasses.

* * *

It was late when Tali finally got to her omnitool. She had missed seven messages, two before the actual launch of the ship that could traverse between galaxies, and the rest during the after-party. One was from Liara, informing her of the impending reunion on Eden Prime. One was actually from Samara, stating that she will be visiting Rannoch within a fortnight, bringing her one remaining daughter with her, and if Tali wished to meet, the old asari would love get together at some point. Joker sent her a message with EDI's regards and the request that he be included on the first manned mission to Andromeda. Three were from other quarians.

The last one was from Garrus.

Shepard had left no body behind. They knew she was dead; the Reapers told them as such, and when they searched the remains of the Citadel they found the bones of Anderson specks of blood from Shepard, but not her body. Tali was not sure whether this was a comfort or a curse. She doubted Garrus could stand to see whatever could have become of Shepard's corpse. Anderson, who had not been the one to walk into the beam, had been disfigured to something unrecognizable as even a human form, so Shepard would have undoubtedly fared much worse no matter what. On the other hand, without that solid evidence, there was absolutely no feeling of closure, not even a horrifying one. There was no way to tell if Shepard had died in agony, or had died peacefully in her victory. Accounts, theories, deductions based on what the Reapers were able to tell them, all pointed to the latter, but there was no way to _know_.

Garrus had shouldered his grief with a strength that frankly shocked Tali. He dove into reconstruction efforts with the tenacity of any turian, and if she did not know better, she would have thought he was at peace with it all. When the Normandy dispersed, Garrus disappeared along with everyone else, and from accounts it seemed he behaved as normally as any turian would after a war with severe casualties and losses. However, when Liara arranged her first reunion, Garrus did not show, and while he did not disappear from the public eye, he withdrew from Normandy's old crew. He never even returned messages from his own friends, let alone proactively sent one on his own.

Heart hammering in her chest, Tali brought the message up to read.

_Dear Tali,_

_Heard the intergalactic drive had launched successfully. Congratulations. I hope you and your family are doing well; it has been a long time. Something has been happening recently, I would like to get together to discuss in private. Please reply if you are willing.  
_

_Garrus.  
_

_That boshtet, _Tali thought. Twenty-five years of absolute silence, and now this. She had half the mind to scold him in her response, but thought better of it at the last minute. Scolding could discourage him from meeting at all, and she did want to see him. She could compose a civil reply, confirm a meeting time and location, and figure out what exactly prompted him to contact her.

Besides, scolding was much more satisfying in person.

* * *

_"Hi Aunt Tali,"_ Miranda's son, Nicholas, waved on the screen. _"Aja there?"_

"No," Tali chuckled, knowing he was calling to congratulate them on the successful launch. "She's out tonight with her co-workers. How are you doing, Nick?"

_"Great! Heard about the launch, congratulations! Mom would say it too, but she's currently debating with the salarian councilor over some funds," _The young man turned his head to look, as if his mother were right off-screen, which Tali knew she was not. _"Anyway, just calling to say hi, and, um, to congratulate you."_

"Thanks, Nick. How are things going for you and your mom?"

_"We're good. Mom's called out to Palaven tomorrow, apparently the turians want her there for some reason."_

"Oh?" Tali was instantly reminded of Garrus and his message. _Could this be related?_

_"Yeah, not sure what's going on, exactly. Mom doesn't know either, but since the Primarch requested her personally, she's decided to go."  
_

Tali leaned forward and folded her fingers together. Maybe she should go to the Citadel to talk to the other councilors. Something about this did not sit right with her, though she was not sure what was the problem.

"Must be related to research." It was what Miranda did now, after all. "Maybe they want to negotiate a joint project with humans?"

_"They don't have to do that through Mom though. It's weird that they want her along. She approves grants and reviews articles…she does her own research too, but nothing that turians would be interested in, I don't think. I don't know. We don't know. We're just going with the flow and seeing what happens." _Nick shrugged. _"No use speculating when we have no data."_

Tali laughed. "True enough."

_"Did you receive the message from Liara?"_

"I did! Is your family going?"

_"Depends on her schedule. Mom might have to give a talk. I know Jack's going, that's going to be interesting."_

_Tell me about it. _"Do you know anyone else who might be going?"

_"Heard James and Ashley might both show up this year! Mom heard that the council hasn't been sending Spectres on a lot of missions this year, so we're crossing our fingers."_

This was true. Tali knew as much, because she was the quarian councilor. "Well, it _is _the twenty-fifth anniversary."

Twenty-five years. So hard to believe. Commander Shepard had been dead for twenty-five years. A quarter of a century had passed since the Reapers…maybe that was why Garrus contacted her?

_"Have I ever mentioned how weird it was to be that kid in school whose parents actually _worked _with Commander Shepard? Even now I get weird looks, and not just because my mom's Miranda Lawson."_

"We've condemned all of you to this life, unfortunately," Tali joked, "Aja faced the same problem in school. Still does."

_"It's more awkward because people expect us to know things," _Nick went on, _"It's not like we know any more than anyone else. We never met Shepard, so the stuff we know we just hear from you, just like anyone else. Only difference is maybe that I know some specific things Shepard said to Mom, or to you, but everyone's like 'ohhhh!' Anyway, twenty-five years, huh? That's a special anniversary. Do you think this time around, Garrus Vakarian will show up?"_

Tali did not let her hesitation show. "I have no idea," She shook her head, "But I hope so."

_"Yeah, me too. Anyway, take care, I gotta get to Mom before she starts yelling at the salarian." _Nick waved, before the transmission cut.

Tali leaned back, musing that however much of a cold woman Miranda had seemed back during the days on the Normandy, she was a warm, caring mother. Nick was a cheerful, funny, and intelligent young man who looked like the splitting image of Miranda.

Such a shame Shepard could never meet him. She would have liked him.

* * *

Garrus replied to Tali with a time and location, and Tali had her secretary leave that day open. He had called her to Palaven, which was a relatively short distance away from Rannoch compared to other worlds. When the date arrived, Tali traveled to the turian homeworld. Since this was not official council business, she was not greeted officially when she landed, and she went to Garrus's meeting place without trouble.

The location turned out to be his home estate. Garrus himself met with Tali at the door. Over the years, the scarred half of his face had healed due to the synthesis, but otherwise, like all of them after the fusion, he remained largely unchanged. There was that visor over his eye, the blue armor that might be a newer incarnation of the one he wore back in the days of the Normandy, but it looked identical. Same tattoos on his face, eyes dark and brooding, fringe swept back behind his head. Tali stared at him with an open-mouthed gape for a moment, abruptly thrust back to twenty-seven years ago, when they were all on the Normandy SR-1 and their friendship had been strong, but nowhere as close to the solidarity it would become two years later, when the fate of the galaxy had been at stake and all they had was each other, and Shepard.

How young they had been then!

"You boshtet!" She suddenly exclaimed, and marched up to point a finger at his nose. "Twenty-five years! Do you know how hard it's been to keep track of you and make sure you weren't dead somewhere?"

"I imagine not very," He said dispassionately, "I haven't exactly been trying to hide."

The lack of emotion in his voice gave Tali pause. Twenty-five years, and it seemed Garrus was still hurting. His tons worried her, and her temper ebbed as quickly as it had risen.

"Is everything alright?" She asked.

Garrus stood aside to allow her inside.

The house was largely undecorated, with a few bare essentials required for living. There were no images of Shepard anywhere, nor any reminders of the Normandy. Tali felt saddened by this, and turned around when she heard the door close to regard her old friend. She wondered how much he had changed after twenty-five years all by himself, without the support of the rest of Shepard's crew.

"Is everything alright?" She asked again.

Garrus stood with his arms folded in front of him and his head bowed, as if gathering his control together.

"Turians are falling ill," He said at last, "And we don't know why."

Tali stared blankly. Ever since the synthesis, all of them had changed. Organics became part synthetic, synthetics became part organic. While aging and death still took place, their synthetic components made the processes much more gradual and gentle. New estimates suggest that everyone's lifespans had multiplied by ten, and the only reason death even existed was because the organic component would eventually die, despite synthetic workups, though that may actually change soon. Illness was…_unheard _of at this point. Life-forms could malfunction, but this could easily be corrected by an outside source.

"What do you mean, Garrus? What do you mean 'falling ill'?"

"I suppose this means that it is not happening with quarians," Garrus remarked wryly, "Or that it has not happened _yet_. I meant exactly what I said, Tali. Turians are falling ill, specifically the children and those born after the war. Their body components are breaking down, and we've looked at everything but nothing's stopping them."

"Breaking _down_?" _Children?_ "What could be causing this?"

"It's why I called you here. We don't know."

"I haven't heard anything like this. Do you know if other species are suffering the same phenomenon?"

"As far as I know, turians are the only ones. We sent out feelers to the other species but we're thinking the dextros might be the only ones affected. It's why I called you over, but that's not the only reason I called you here."

"What's the other reason? And why do you think the dextros are the only ones affected? I don't know what quarians are affected at all. I've never even heard of this."

Garrus shifted.

"We spoke with the Reapers," He told her, "And they don't know. I have a suspicion that only one person might know."

_Shepard._ Tali did not dare voice the name, however. Her breath suddenly froze in her chest, and anxious silence hovered between the two of them for a moment as this sunk in.

"And," Garrus finished, "I think she is the only one who can stop this."


	2. Chapter II—Edi

Errors of Life

Chapter II-Edi

"ETA in twenty minutes," Edi announced, leaning back.

Jeff nodded. "Got it."

She watched as he moved the screens around, checking all the parameters. There was no question that Jeff was good at what he did. Twenty-five years ago, Edi would have regarded this as simply a fact of life, but ever since the synthesis she found herself entranced by the sight of him working. By the fact that Jeff had to overcome great odds to become as good as he was, and that in turn made him great as well.

"Liking what you see, love?"

Edi allowed herself to smile. "That was the only way I have been able to put up with you all these years."

"Ach, I'll take that as a compliment." Jeff smiled back at her, before his expression turned serious again. "Wonder what Miranda wants."

Miranda Lawson had gone to Palaven two weeks ago at the request of the Primarch. Whatever happened there caused her to urge Liara to either hasten the reunion or organize another one before the initial gathering. Liara, whose first messages had been cordial and welcoming, had sent out new messages with a far more business-like tone. The messages themselves revealed nothing other than the date and location and a plea to accept, but everyone could tell that something had changed, because the notes also urged that they not bring anyone else with them. Where before, everyone brought their families, this time the company was limited to the crew of the Normandy, and only those who worked intimately with Shepard.

This reunion was going to be different from the others.

To add to it all, there was Garrus.

"And Garrus! About time that guy showed up, and I'm not complaining, but what prompted him to remove that stick up his butt this time?"

"It has been twenty-five years, Jeff. The twenty-fifth year seems to hold some value in many cultures."

"Yeah, it's a quarter of a century and all that, but still," Jeff finished tapping on the screens and settled back, "Five years was special too, and he didn't show."

Edi did not reply. She doubted Garrus was showing up for the sake of Shepard, even. What he had with the Commander had been their own personal bond, something that was never shared with the rest of the crew, that could never be shared with the rest of the crew. The reunions were a collection where everyone could share their memories of Shepard and reach out to those she knew and cared about, because Shepard had cared about Tali and Miranda and Jacob and James and so each of them should get to know Tali and Miranda and Jacob and James. Cortez talked about how Shepard would often come down to check on him when he was grieving, encouraging him to do what it took to move on and always being there for him. Jack, with oaths lacing every sentence, would talk about how she punched Shepard in the face when the Commander arrived at the Academy. Grunt reminded everyone of how his battlemaster had killed a thresher maw, and these were all stories that could be shared with the crew and even beyond to whomever cared to listen.

What could Garrus say? What could he share? No one else loved Shepard the way he did, and no one else was loved by Shepard the way he was. Oriana could talk about how Shepard took the time to meet with Miranda despite everything that was happening in the galaxy, and others could nod and understand because Shepard had done the same thing for them in varying forms and it was all something they could relate to. Even Edi could talk to them about how Shepard taught her about the purpose of life, about love, about giving herself the wisdom to seek a greater destiny, and many would nod because Shepard had done the same thing for others as well. The things that Garrus held dear were stories and feelings others could not understand. He could say that Shepard was his world, his very soul, and people could murmur and maybe they can sympathize, but they would not be able to truly understand it in relation to Shepard, because to all of them Shepard was just a dear, dear friend, a beloved commander, and they would never be able to comprehend the meaning of that loss, because they never experienced what it meant to love and be loved by her. Going to a reunion would be a waste of time. Certainly, Garrus could know how much Shepard meant to everyone, but he would also know how much less she meant to others than she did to him. The former he already knew well enough. The latter…he did not need to learn.

If something were to happen to Jeff, Edi would probably try to follow him, but if something held her back, she knew she would certainly not go to any reunion in his name. It had nothing to do with respect or regard. What she had with Jeff was personal and close to her heart, and there would simply be no point. Twenty-five years or no, Edi was still somewhat surprised that the turian was choosing to attend this time around. Maybe it had less to do with Shepard and more to do with friends who were still alive. After all, they did form bonds of friendship between each other, and not just through Shepard.

"Anyway, Ash and James are coming. About time those two showed up at the same reunion."

"I heard that the Rachni Queen will also be in attendence."

Jeff swore. "What?"

Edi quirked a corner of her lip. "That was a joke."

Jeff swore again, relaxing. "Jesus Christ! That would be the scariest reunion ever!"

Edi waited a moment for her husband to think the joke over. After a few seconds, she was rewarded with a chuckle, and then a hearty laugh.

"Oh _God_, can you imagine if the Rachni Queen showed up? Man, that would freak everyone out." The more Jeff thought about it, the more he obviously found the idea funny, and a minute later he was still chuckling at the thought.

"Good Heavens! Rachni Queen. Man, if she gives a speech…man…"

* * *

Liara usually arranged their reunions on Eden Prime, because that had been Shepard's first mission regarding the Reapers. One of Eden Prime's tourist plaques even mentioned this fact, and there was a statue of her where the Prothean beacon was found, dressed in her N7 armor and her helmet in one hand while the other hand stretched out in welcome. Most of the events took place there, under Shepard's watch, and sometimes when people were on the podium relating anecdotes, they would turn to the statue as if getting its approval.

This time around, Liara arranged their meeting to be much more remote. The number was small, including only James, Steve Cortez, Tali, Miranda, Ashley, Wrex, Jeff, Edi, Liara, and Garrus. Grunt was excluded, as were Kelly Chambers, Traynor, the engineers, Gardner, Zaeed, Kasumi, Samara, Jack, Jacob, and Dr. Chakwas. This surprised Edi, because Dr. Chakwas had always gone to each reunion in memory of her commander, amd Jack had announced she would be attending this year's.

_Perhaps not the official reunion, then._

They gathered in a large conference room the size of the war room on the Normandy, with Garrus standing at the head. The doors were shut and correspondingly locked. Tali checked around for bugs to make sure they were not being eavesdropped, and everyone else looked at each other nervously, especially the Spectres. It had been a long time since there was a need for such secrecy, and the fact that they did not know what was going on had everyone on edge.

"It has been a long time," Garrus said to everyone once Tali waved at him to indicate he was free to talk, "Though…sometimes it feels like yesterday."

"Uh-huh," Wrex exclaimed, "Did try to keep in touch, but someone here chose to ignore all of us."

"Yeah, well," Garrus rubbed the back of his fringe. "I was busy and…" He suddenly released a sigh. "You all know what she and I had. It…was…hard."

Everyone was silent. They all knew that it was hard, and none of them really blamed Garrus for his withdrawal. The turian looked down at the table for a moment, before continuing.

"I met with Tali about a week and a half ago," He finally began, "And Miranda met with the Primarch two weeks ago. What I'm going to tell you must not leave this room."

Silence.

"Turians are falling ill," Garrus said, far more calmly than his words might indicate he should. "Their body structure is breaking down. It is almost like an autoimmune disease, but it's one we can't program and one we can't seem to cure."

"Falling _ill?_ But that no longer happens anymore!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Well, it is," Miranda interjected wryly. "The precise mechanism has to do with what happened when the fusion occurred twenty-five years ago. When the Crucible fired, it altered our very makeup, so that all of us, geth included, Edi," The woman nodded at Edi, who did not outwardly react, "Became a mix of organic and synthetic. This led to consequences we're all familiar with. The exact process, according to the Reapers, involved a decision made by Commander Shepard. The Reapers gave her one of three choices: either destroy all synthetics, take control of the Reapers, or cause this fusion. To initiate this synthesis, Shepard had to give up her body for the Crucible to create a foundation upon which they can map the new building blocks of life."

"What does this have to do with the turians?" James asked.

"The Primarch invited me to take a look. What I've found was this. In the turians who were falling ill, their bodies were reacting to anomalous components, very much like an autoimmune disease. Further data supports the theory that these anomalous components were of human origin."

Everyone looked at each other. Jeff looked at Edi, who looked back.

"Why did this condition take twenty-five years to surface?" Edi asked.

"We don't know." Garrus shook his head. "We don't know if it can be spread either. This has been affecting only young turians, ones who were born after the war was over and the fusion occurred. Perhaps this situation had undergone a latent period. So far, Tali claims that no quarians have been affected yet, but it is something we need to watch very closely. If the pattern remains, and it very likely will, other species could be affected. Even humans might react to each other, so they are not exempt. This is a potentially serious issue."

"The Primarch invited you?" Jeff asked Miranda skeptically. "Why would he do that? I thought he'd prefer salarians…"

"I'm an expert on human biochemistry," Miranda replied, "He knows I can be discreet, and he also knows that I led the Lazarus project."

The name seemed to hit everyone like a physical blow. One thing that changed for Edi since the fusion was that she started associating memories with emotions. She remembered the first time she introduced herself to Shepard, and the woman still had glowing scars on her face. Shepard had studied those in a mirror that first night. She had never been a vain person, but she was discomfited by the scars and what they implied. Nowadays, everyone was part synthetic, but it was kind of ironic that once upon a time Shepard had been uneasy about such a prospect in herself. Back then, Edi had not thought much of it, but now, looking back, she realized she had been privy to a lot of things the Commander only revealed in the privacy of her own quarters. Shepard had known Edi was watching everywhere, but the woman probably could not bother with hiding herself all the time. Strong and confident as Shepard was, there were a lot of moments when she had been uncertain, had been afraid. She had probably been afraid of herself, of what she had become thanks to Cerberus. It took some time for Shepard to become truly comfortable with herself, and the healing of her scars did much to help with that. It was one of the memories that made Edi realize they had all been granted a bonus period with Shepard. The commander…should have been dead, but she had come back specifically to help the Reapers.

Maybe that was why she could not have survived the war.

"Why is this important?" Cortez asked warily, and everyone looked at Garrus, who seemed prepared to hear this.

"Something is wrong," Miranda laced her fingers together, "The synthesis should not affect people this way. The Reapers don't know what the cause is, and of course, since the fusion never succeeded in previous cycles, we have no data on what could have been wrong."

"The fusion never succeeded because the Reapers kept killing everyone," James remarked.

"The Reapers started indoctrinating everyone after they tried other methods, according to them. One of them was a previous attempt at synthesis, and apparently it did not work."

"What does this have to do with the Lazarus project?" Ashley asked unhappily.

"The Primarch believes that something happened during the initial process," Miranda replied, "And to solve this before it endangers more people, we need to know what it was. Unfortunately, there were only three witnesses present on the Citadel when the Crucible fired. The Illusive Man and Anderson both died before the fusion took place. The Commander…was the only one who might know."

"The Reapers don't know?"

"When the synthesis started, the Crucible fired. The Reapers have no idea what happened when it was firing."

"So the Primarch wants to know what Shepard knows." Liara looked uneasy. "The Lazarus project is not going to mean anything. You had Shepard's body that time."

"The Commander's body had been used to remap all of us," Miranda replied.

"You mean to say," Edi broke in, "That components of Shepard's body might be extracted to compile her again."

A heavy silence fell.

"Not exactly," Miranda began. "It's more—"

"I don't know." Tali's head lowered to her hands and she buried them in her hair. "That seems…_horribly _invasive."

Edi looked at Garrus, wondering what he thought of this. She could not read the turian, however. His face was set neutrally, though his eyes were dark.

"Yeah, I don't know," Jeff agreed, looking uneasy, "It was sort of creepy for her the first time around. Ehh…RIP, you know? I don't know if we can even put her back properly, and…I don't know. Maybe she's in a better place, and we'd be pulling her out of it."

"This isn't actually a resurrection," Miranda shook her head, finally getting everyone's attention, "That's not really what we're going for. I don't think it's possible to extract all the components needed to build a body properly and bring her to life. We've all changed, and these parts of her probably changed too. It's just…not practical. We're hoping that her memories, specifically the memories of her after she jumped into the beam, however little that is, exist somewhere in the galaxy. We just need that. We don't even need the rest." She sighed. "It would be like…compiling video-footage…of her final memories."

"You mean assemble a partial VI," Tali looked at her.

"Maybe."

Another silence fell.

"The reason I had Liara gather all of you here is because we all know Shepard well. At least you folks do. I…might not know her as well as some of you, but if we're going to do this, then I will need your help locating her essence and gathering it all together."

"Why are we assuming that Shepard could have known anything?" Edi broke in, "She was likely simply the medium through which the Crucible worked. Any malfunction might have had little to do with her, and even if it did, it may not have been within her realm of knowledge."

"This is true, but according to the Reapers I've spoken to, it is actually quite likely that Shepard had seen something, or remembered something. It doesn't even matter if she understood it herself. If we can retrieve her memories, we can do our own analysis. We can then figure out how to solve the problem."

Another silence fell.

"I think we should take a moment," Liara suggested, "Discuss this among ourselves first."

* * *

"What do you think?" Edi asked Garrus, whose face remained as impassive as when they first entered the room.

"I don't know."

_"It's a gross invasion of privacy…_" Edi heard Ashley exclaim to Wrex.

"Shepard would do it." Garrus went on. "She never says no to these kind of things. She wouldn't be happy about it though. She'd go along with things, but that doesn't mean she's happy about them. Though…I'm not sure if that even matters. I just wonder what she would say if we meet each other at the bar. She might be angry that we intruded on her memories, but she might also be angry that we chose her over the galaxy. So I don't know."

Edi stared. "The bar?"

His mandibles parted a little and his gaze was distant. "It might not matter," He ignored her question.

Edi allowed the subject to slide. "It might not work."

"No. There is a good chance it will, though."

"Are you alright with that?"

"No. But this isn't about me and Shepard."

Garrus had never been the most readable of individuals, but Edi found she had absolutely no idea what to make of him now.

"Might not even matter to her, ultimately," Garrus went on, "We keep looking at this as if she were alive. She's not. The dead don't have the same concerns as the living. Even if we saw things she would have wanted to keep secret in life, how does that affect her? She's beyond the reaches of this galaxy, and where she is, nothing here can harm her. The only reason I don't like it is because I wouldn't want that done to me while I'm alive, and I know she wouldn't want her thoughts bared to others while she's alive, but how can you predict the thoughts of the dead?"

Edi touched Garrus's arm. "Perhaps it might bring you closure, to know her last thoughts."

"I know what she thought," Garrus murmured. "That isn't what this is about."

After a while, everyone started getting frustrated. Even Wrex, who was not usually the most philosophical of individuals as far as Edi could tell, seemed firmly against the idea, but there was no question that Garrus's insinuation was a matter of great concern.

"I think we can all agree that none of us are too happy about this idea," Jacob loudly announced, "But I think it's sort of also a given that we don't really have any other options, and the situation can get really bad, not just for turians."

"How fast does this condition progress?" Ashley asked.

"We've lost some to it already," Garrus replied, "The younger ones are faster, probably several months. The older ones can last up to a year, unless the progression speeds up."

His voice still lacked emotion, and Edi wondered how the turian could relate this information to all of them with such…composure.

"So we don't have a lot of time to think about it," Liara observed.

Everyone glanced at each other.

"There isn't much to think about," Jacob said again, "We're all unhappy about this, but it's the only option we got."

Another pause. Jeff released a breath, prompting Edi to touch his elbow. He did not acknowledge her, so she dropped her own hand.

_'And then she said, "If you could be out there right now on the dance floor, would you be waving your arms?" And I realized, yeah, I would, because the freaking Reapers are attacking and everything be gone tomorrow. She then said, heh, "Sounds like you have bigger things to worry about than looking stupid." And that was that. No comments about how weird it was, or anything like that. And after that, there was no turning back. Edi has all of my heart, but it wouldn't have been possible without Commander Shepard. We both owe her…we're two of the many who owe her without ever being able to…pay back. That's the lot of the Commander, you know? When you get to know her, you learn what it means to be indebted to someone in a way you can never pay back.'_

"Well," Ashley sighed, "Nothing for it, then. What do we need to do?"


	3. Chapter III—Ashley

Errors of Life

Chapter III-Ashley

The synthesis nearly did not work. It was not just changing everyone's basic building blocks; the sheer wealth of data from previous cycles and even current ones was too much to process for most minds, despite the fact that everyone's neural circuits had been modified. A hard drive can handle yottabytes of information, but exceed that and it would still overload.

Fortunately, much of the data was stored in databases that took the place of old libraries so that life did not have to be burdened with it all the time. The Reapers had been the carriers of this information for cycles, so after they repaired the mass relays, they became the librarians. Ashley had not thought this funny at the time—the losses from the war were too strong for her to let go of her anger at the machines, but after twenty-five years she had to admit this was hilarious.

"The safest and easiest way to locate this data," Miranda told everyone, "Is to go to the databases. We may have to go to more than one, since they each store different things. We will enter the network, and since we've all worked with Shepard, we may recognize bits of data that belong to her."

"Should we bring others into this?" Ashley asked, "I for one know that Dr. Chakwas also worked intimately with Shepard."

"If what we got was not enough, we'll have to," Liara replied, "But for now, Dr. Chakwas is on vacation and she turned off all incoming communications. I would bypass that but she's more familiar with the Commander in regards to her physical health, and I didn't want to impose."

_Ah_, Ashley glanced at James. _That explains why Chakwas isn't here._ Dear dear woman. Ashley missed her.

"What about Jack?" Someone asked.

"Ohhh…" Miranda groaned, "_Really?_"

"Jack's not a good candidate," Garrus broke in, "I don't know if that woman even notices anything besides herself."

"Heh!" Wrex let out a laugh, "I think I remember her. She the one who punched Shepard in the face when Shepard was rescuing her?"

"The years haven't mellowed her out," Tali mused. "Maybe in reserve; people like Jack tend to notice things others don't. Besides, we'd never think Wrex is perceptive, yet Shepard told me once that Wrex was one of the most insightful individuals she knew."

"Eh?" Wrex looked at Tali, startled by this revelation, before recovering. "Ha! Well Shepard picks her company well."

"If we're going to do this," Miranda went on, "I think it is best if we do it in secret. We can notify top officials of each species to secure funding and delegate tasks to others in a way that does not reveal the goal of the project, but I don't want to imagine what might happen if this goes out to the public."

"Widespread panic, no doubt," Ashley muttered.

"But what about the illness?" Jeff asked. "What are we calling this anyway? The Shepard Syndrome?"

"_No_," Garrus snapped, "We all know what illness we're talking about. It's the only disease that exists."

_He has a point there._

"Garrus and I agreed," Tali said cautiously, "That the panic that might result from revealing any of this is currently much more harmful than withholding information. We have no cure, we have no suggestions at all as to how to prevent being infected, if this is even an infectious disease. There is no benefit at all to informing the public, and we risk chaos when we need order. Furthermore, if we do reveal Shepard's potential role in this, others may sabotage our efforts. When the Reapers were attacking us, Shepard had to contend with a lot of unreasonable requests even though the most logical course of action was to cooperate. I don't see how this is different."

"The Primarch has promised us funding," Garrus went on, "Which we will utilize for now, since the condition is only affecting turians. Miranda is human representative of research and has a team of researchers we can collaborate with. This will be done in two parts: we will collect the data, and the team will analyze it."

As a Spectre, Ashley had done her share of collecting data. She was actually quite surprised by the number of things Spectres were expected to do, many of them menial and tedious. In the past, she never paid much attention to what Shepard was doing during shore leave except when they were together, and it never occurred to her that Shepard very rarely simply relaxed while on shore leave. She heard talks about how people saw the commander running back and forth, always looking quite busy, but never thought much of it until she found herself doing the same thing after the war, heading around the reconstructing Citadel looking up files and accessing these records and researching things that simply flew over her head.

Of course, Shepard had also set another standard for all Spectres: she was always helping people, settling quarrels that were getting too heated or returning items to mourning widows and widowers or negotiating passages for immigrants and defending young quarians from C-Sec. After Shepard, civilians started approaching all Spectres, expecting the same kind of friendliness and generosity, and Ashley wondered just how much Shepard had influenced in the galaxy, not just in the flashy way she had united all species together, but also in more subtle ways, where expert soldiers now had a culture of lending helping hands to the average man, and no one would ever know she was responsible for the change.

The meeting broke, though no one left; everyone simply got out of their arranged seating to form smaller groups. Miranda pulled out her datapad to summon a map with locations for the databases.

"Since you two are Spectres," The woman began, while Liara was relating similar coordinates to Jeff, Edi, Cortez and Jacob, and Garrus was talking with Tali and Wrex. "I'm allocating the databases with restricted areas to you. First two places I want searched are the Citadel database and the Thessia database."

"What would we find, exactly?" James asked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. You may need to do some wandering and investigating."

Ashley reached out to bring the hologram of the database to view. The Citadel database was the largest database, filled with the most data about cultures of previous cycles. It was also where most of the restricted data was located.

"Why do you think any part of Shepard's memories would be locked away in the restricted area?" Ashley asked.

"I don't think it would be done so deliberately," Miranda said in a slightly sneering tone, "That would be absurd. The way synthetics function and the way data is stored now has also changed since the war, and that was also due to whatever happened to Shepard that day. Some of her memories might simply have been in there."

"You mean pieces of memory would just be floating among the data?" James cocked an eyebrow.

"I don't know. Obviously, I haven't tried to do a search myself, since I was waiting for input from all of you."

"How would we find her if we're talking about bits and pieces of memory?" Ashley asked.

"Hopefully it works the same way it does when we access anything these days," Miranda pressed a few items on her touchscreen, "If the search engines tailor to your respective neurology, then you might see Shepard walking around between floating teacups."

As strange as the last remark was, that was how search engines worked ever since the fusion. Individuals simply entered the database and thought of what they wanted to find. The database then presents an environment of items related to their goal, floating about them in a replica of the universe. Ashley remembered Shepard describing one time when she entered the geth network and saw bits and pieces of history being played around her in random locations. She found the way databases worked nowadays to be rather similar to how Shepard described that particular experience.

In truth, as strange as it was, Ashley found this method of searching and finding information to be much more intuitive than the traditional methods, before the fusion.

"If we're going to keep this under wraps," Ashley told Miranda, "Then we have to actually be on the Citadel. Remote access is always risky and we might get hacked."

Miranda nodded. "I will go to Ilium. Do you need data storage chips?"

"Save those for the others. We have Spectre-issued chips," James told her.

"Very good." Miranda looked at them, and for the first time the woman looked nervous. "Well…this is it."

"Yeah," Ashley agreed. It feels almost like the beginning when she first met Shepard. They survived an onslaught on Eden Prime, and at the time everyone was a bit confused but still not quite grasping the magnitude of the situation they were in. This time, people were a little more knowledgeable, but there was still that slight languidness about everyone's attitudes, where everyone knew they still had some time.

So different from the end of the war.

"I don't know," Tali was saying, "I want to help, but I'm in the public eye most of the time. I've disappeared enough already, and I'm on call for any emergency Council meetings. Assign me anywhere except Rannoch and I'd probably draw unwanted attention."

"Well we'll have Tali handle Rannoch for now. Wrex can handle Tuchanka."

"It's better to ask Grunt. I'm in a worse situation than Tali."

"Grunt doesn't know Shepard as well as you," Garrus told him.

"Yeah, well, tankborn's got sharpness up here," Wrex pointed at his skullcap, "And he knew Shepard for long enough."

"Get Bakara to cover for you. She's good at that."

"Hmmm…" The krogan looked unhappy. "Stealth is not my style. I prefer shooting things."

"You're saying that _Grunt _is better at stealth than you?" Tali exclaimed.

"Ha! Nice try. But if the aim is to gather information without getting noticed, I'm not the best person for the job. Hard enough to pull rank to get here without anyone following. They think this is the actual reunion, which means I won't be coming to the actual one. You want me to look through some _library_, you need to give me a good enough reason that's not the real one that I can offer. Krogans have no business in libraries."

Ashley was frankly surprised Tuchanka even had a library. It must have been the work of Bakara and her fellow female krogans, because otherwise it made absolutely no sense.

"…because Earth's database is kind of considerable, and there's also one on Mars which is smaller," Joker was telling his group, "Edi and I frankly work better when we're together as a team. You can have Cortez and Jacob take care of Mars…"

After more discussion, everyone had their initial tasks. Tali released the room security and everyone streamed out. Ashely noticed Garrus lingering behind everyone and slowed down so she could talk to him.

"You okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine."

Ashley wondered if he somehow turned off the part of his brain that felt emotions, or something.

"It's good to see you," She smiled at him, "Haven't seen you in so long. You haven't changed too much. Scar's healed. Will be losing all the krogan females."

"Hm!" Garrus looked at her. "She told you that, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Said she had doubts about which species she was."

Garrus nodded, "Sounds like something she would say."

Ashley slapped her hand on his arm. "Going to Palaven?"

"Yeah. Don't have the problems Tali and Wrex have. No one asks questions when you visit the database on Palaven."

Ashley wondered how he would react to seeing Shepard again, even as a ghost image in a search space, but she did not voice it. Some questions were better left unasked.

"We'll see you soon," She said to him.

Garrus nodded.

* * *

James went to Thessia and Ashley went to the Citadel. There was only one Reaper at the galaxy's capital, which was the librarian, and it had the most unReaper-like personality Ashley had ever come across.

"THPECTRE WILLIAMTH!" It exclaimed happily, forgetting to lower the volume of its speakers in its exuberance. "HAVE YOU COME TO VITHIT ME?"

"Hey there Lisp," Ashley winced as her ears rang. She was sure somewhere babies had started wailing. "Hey, keep it down, you don't want to blast out everyone's eardrums."

"OH! Thorry…"

The ground rocked as the giant beast of a thing stamped its legs to adjust its stance, and Ashley rubbed the back of her neck as she craned up to look at it in its red eye. Once upon a time, she use to hate these things, and always associated the red glowing orb as something to shoot at to hopefully bring the Reaper down. Looking at Reapers still discomfited her to a certain point. They were all large, though this one was a bit smaller than most, and communicating with them always made her neck stiff in the end, no matter how far away she stood from them.

It was hard to hate Lisp though. She had no idea how this Reaper got its personality, but its belief-defying character made her more sorry for it than anything. She could not help but feel like this Reaper got the short end of the whole synthesis ordeal.

"I haven't theen you in tho long!" Lisp exclaimed in a much more moderate volume, "Where were you? How come you don't vithit me anymore? I missed you."

"Yeah, heh, well, I missed you too. Life of a Spectre, you know? But here I am." Ashley smiled, and tried to avoid wincing again as the Reaper let out a deafening equivalent of a cheer.

"Hey, I want to access the database. Work-related stuff."

"What are you looking for?"

"I'll know when I find it."

"Okay!" Lisp's light flickered, and it lifted itself to expose a pathway through the large hardware that stored the data. There were consoles all along the way, and people were already using them. "Let me know if you need help, Thpectre!"

"Will do," Ashley waved at the giant eye and headed through the path. _Man I feel sorry for this guy,_ She thought.

Ashley found a secluded console and stepped to it, closing her eyes as she entered the network. She maintained a partial awareness of her surroundings as she went in, and once she arrived in virtual space, she set up barriers to secure her privacy. Outside, a young asari was giggling as her parent swung her up to carry her out.

_"Bye Therani!" _Lisp called out, as the two left.

Ashley smiled, before focusing back on her task.

* * *

_The Normandy._

Data archives shimmered the space and Ashley found herself in the Normandy. Figures were in the main deck, though their resolutions were not very good. She caught a pale image of her younger self cleaning rifles and mused that she never cleaned rifles on the _main deck_, but the image was a path away, leading to Garrus working on the Mako and Wrex snoring during his nap.

Ashley had never searched for the times on the Normandy, and seeing all this made her feel discomfited. The Normandy was not where she wanted to be, anyway. She was not looking for any information on the Normandy, she was looking for Shepard's memories…

Unless Shepard's memories were scattered among the data about the Normandy?

_Where is Shepard anyway?_

True enough, as Ashley looked around, she discovered that the Commander was conspicuously absent. She passed through all the levels of the SR-1 and found many figures: Pressly, grumbling about aliens onboard, bits of data indicating the authenticity of his remarks declining with time. Joker, cracking his bad jokes. EDI was onboard too, even though she was not on the ship at the time, and then the Normandy became the SR-2 instead, with Jack in the engineering room, cursing to herself as she looked things up on a terminal, Thane Krios meditating in Life Support, Kasumi pouring herself a glass of champagne, Kelly Chambers in the main deck.

Where is Shepard?

The database shimmered, and Ashley stood before the plaque on the wall that listed the deceased members of the crew.

Commander Shepard's name placed above Anderson's in the center.

_No, that's not what I was looking for._ Seeing the plaque made Ashley choke back tears. It was suddenly so close again, despite twenty-five years. She remembered Horizon, how she had treated Shepard when the woman had been dead for two years. Her death had been less meaningful then; the galaxy had not been in immediate danger, the Reapers had not been at their very doorstep, but it had still been very real, and Ashley had thought that if she had the luck to survive the war, she would have more time to make it up to Shepard, because how could Shepard fall when Williams survived?

All the things Shepard had suffered in life, and when the galaxy had hope again, she could not partake.

Her emotions were getting the better of her. Ashley collected herself mentally and tried to focus on anything except the plaque, but then something caught her eye. Was there something written in the bottom right corner there? Right under Shepard's name?

Zooming in, Ashley took a look.

_Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,_  
_ And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?_  
_ The transient pleasures as a vision seem,_  
_ And yet we think the greatest pain's to die._

_How strange it is that man on earth should roam,_  
_ And lead a life of woe, but not forsake_  
_ His rugged path; nor dare he view alone_  
_ His future doom which is but to awake._

_-John Keats_

_What the…Was that there?_ Ashley turned to summon images of the plaque that was broadcast later to the galaxy as part of a memorial service. There was Commander Shepard's name above Anderson's. Nothing written in the bottom right corner. More images, logs…there was nothing there.

_What is Keats poem doing on this version of Normandy's wall?_ Ashley reached up to touch it lightly.

ERROR: ANOMALOUS DATA, CANNOT EDIT.

_Anomalous data, _Ashley mused. She attempted to copy it.

ERROR: ANOMALOUS DATA, CANNOT EDIT.

_I'm not trying to edit it, I'm making a copy._ Ashley scowled. If she is seriously going to spend most of her time tackling problems like this, she was going to—

ERROR: ANOMALOUS DATA, CANNOT EDIT.

_Oh for the love of…I don't want to get Lisp to help! _Ashley was not sure if she could stand it.

_"I find myself looking at it all the time,"_ Shepard said from next to her. _"Sometimes I look at it and I see my name on it. Freaks me out sometimes."_

Ashley blinked, then looked back at the plaque on the wall. Shepard's name was gone, as was Anderson's.

_"Think part of me believes that my name _should_ have been on it. Did die, after all. At times I wonder if this was all a dream. Reapers, cycles…You ever read An Occurrence at Owl's Creek?"_

On a whim, Ashley tried to copy Shepard.

ERROR: ANOMALOUS DATA, CANNOT EDIT.

"No," Ashley fought the urge to hit the wall in frustration. "What's that?"

_"Short story, forgot who wrote it. Talked about a man who was being led to his execution on Owl's Creek bridge. A hanging, it was, but as they were waiting, he thinks about his wife and children, and there's a loud clanging noise that's both near and far away. The rope breaks and he falls into the water, starts swimming, and there's this epic sequence where he's dodging bullets and the people after him and he runs all the way back home to embrace his family. But then something hits him right in the neck, and it turns out that in fact, he never escaped at all. That whole thing was in his head, quickened by adrenaline and the prospect of death. They say when you're really desperate your mind works faster and time slows, so seconds feel like hours. He imagined it all as he was dropped from the bridge, and the pain in his neck was from it finally breaking."_

Ashley stared at her, horror mixed with sorrow. The Commander had never told her any of this before. As far as she knew, Shepard had never told anyone any of this before.

ERROR: ANOMALOUS DATA, CANNOT EDIT.

_"Last thing I remember was feeling kind of dizzy and watching mist spill out of my suit," Shepard went on, "Don't actually remember dying. Kind of wonder if…you know, this whole year's just been in my head, me trying desperately to deny that my life is over and I have nothing more to contribute, and I've simply been dying all this time…I mean, everyone keeps telling me that I've been doing the impossible, and I wonder, what if it is impossible, and I'm just making it up? Sometimes I flash back to when I got spaced and I wonder which was real."_

"You weren't making it up, Shepard," Ashley whispered, "This is real. You made a future now."

_"And what's really freaky is when I look at that plaque and I swear I see my name on it," Shepard went on as if Ashley never spoke. "Sometimes I wonder if it's a premonition. I died once, supposedly. That kind of means I'm living on borrowed time."_

INITIATING DOWNLOAD.

Ashley looked at the plaque, seeing the faint shadow of her reflection and Shepard's. The Keats poem glowed as it showed the downloading progress.

_"Well, just in case the Reaper war is real,__" _Shepard then froze and her figure glowed as the chip began downloading her as well. Ashley watched as her light intensified and then slowly dimmed, her body vanishing with it.

DOWNLOAD COMPLETE.

* * *

"Hi Thuthan! Have you come to vithit me?"

"Hi Lisp…"

Ashley groaned inwardly, though she was secretly thankful that Lisp interrupted her search. Nothing like a Reaper with speech difficulties to jar one out of depression.


End file.
